The Birth Prep Secrets No One Tells You (But Should!)
If you’re preparing for labour, birth and postpartum, don’t do it alone. Here’s how to get your partner or support person involved in the journey.
While only one of you will be running this mega marathon, having your partner or support person know best how to support you will ensure you make a tight team, coming out strong at the finishing line.
Here’s how my partner and I prepared for this huge transition – two times round!
1. Find a Doula
The first thing we did was look for a doula. The Australian Doula College defines a doula as, “a woman offering non medical support and information to other women and their partners during birth and the post natal period.” Basically, they are birth and postpartum guardian angels. This support is so vital in helping you to navigate the hospital system (if you choose to go down that route), advocate for you and your birth preferences, and to hold a safe space for you and your partner through labour and birth.
Our doula Brony (Doula BB) was there for us for the birth of our first babe, River, and for our second, Romeo – who she caught on arrival! With River, I was in labour for 60+ hours. With Brony by our side, my partner was able to get some rest and let Brony takeover so I wasn’t left alone. Throughout both births, in moments where I or my partner felt overwhelmed, afraid or upset, Brony was our rock. She made us feel so safe and cared for the entire time. Having her with us was invaluable.
Throughout both births, in moments where I or my partner felt overwhelmed, afraid or upset, Brony was our rock.
2. Get Informed
Don’t get me wrong, I love doctors, nurses, midwifes and all medical people and highly respect what they do. Unfortunately our current healthcare system is driven by timeframes and protocols that aren’t always in the best interest of a birthing woman. So instead of winging it, I suggest getting informed about what you’ll be walking (read: crawling/moaning) into. Here are my epic podcast recommendations:
Australian Birth Stories
Tales From The Fourth Trimester
The Great Birth Rebellion
And I just have two book recommendations, both by Rhea Dempsey
Beyond the Birth Plan: getting real about pain and power
Birth With Confidence: Savvy choices for normal birth
If you only do ONE THING to prepare for birth, do B’s classes! They are super informative, super empowering and B is quite the comedian.
3. Take A Birth Class
If you don’t already know Bernadette from Core and Floor Restore, get on her! She posts the best content on Instagram and has FREE (!!) Antenatal Classes. If you only do ONE THING to prepare for birth, do B’s classes! And even better, get your partner to do them with you. They are super informative, super empowering and B is quite the comedian.
4. Process Your Fears
After a whirlwind of a birth with River, I was pretty nervous of having the same experience with Romeo and wanted to find a way to move through my fear and get to a place of feeling confident and empowered in my birth Romeo. So I went to therapy. I sat with my loving therapist and together, over numerous sessions, we worked on gently going back to the dark places and giving me what I needed then to feel safe and supported. Over these sessions, I dug deep, felt a lot of feelings and let them out. And goodness did it feel healing.
Then, one day before Romeo came into the world, I did a 1:1 Held session with Cindy Fenn. It was magical. Cindy took me through a meditation, breathwork and body movement, which I was able to draw on during labour, and at the end we did a releasing fears ceremony. Here’s some of what I wrote to Cindy after Romeo’s birth:
I took everything from the work we did together – movement, breathe, visualisation and worked hard to stay present and reassure myself and body anytime fear crept in. Labor was 15hrs altogether, and we were planning to head to the hospital but once my waters broke, he was birthed within less than 30 mins! Thank you so much for your energy, encouragement and belief in me – it really helped me in such a big way.
Want more tips on preparing for labour and birth as a couple? Contact me if you have further questions or you can learn more about my approach to couples counselling and EFT here.
A Poem by Catie Atkinson
“What if we told women the truth about birth.
We’d have to tell them that contractions will probably be more than “surges” or “sensations.”
That they’ll probably rock your f✨cking world and leave you begging for salvation as you clutch the edge of the tub or the hospital linens
That your gentle breathing exercises and your Spotify soundtrack will be left in the dust as you sweat and pant and sway and swear your way through it
That you’ll trip harder than any mushroom you ever did in college and vomit with the same ferocity and travel to places deep within yourself that you didn’t know existed. That you’ll float above your body and simultaneously be trapped in it with an intensity you’ve never tasted
And in that intensity, in the sweating and the swearing and the swaying and the vomiting and the endless hours of contractions crashing down upon you
You’ll find your strength
You’ll find a resilience you’ve never known
You’ll find the power you need for the journey of motherhood ahead
In the messy humanity of it all
You’ll find that you are holy
A portal to the divine
Capable of indescribable miracles
A vessel of sacred life
What if we told women the truth about birth?
We’d have to tell them they are capable of anything
Worthy of being treated like goddesses
Made to walk through the flames
Surf the tidal waves
Dive into the underworld
And come out alive
Not unscathed
Not unchanged
But whole
And healed
And ready to take on the world
If we told women the truth about birth
We’d have to admit that we’ve lied about everything else
And that they are more powerful
More fierce
More capable
More beautiful
Than we’ve ever let on.
If we told the truth about birth?
We’d shatter the world.”